Dread....

That is the only emotion that I feel as we approach the date of our latest blood test to check and see if this cycle worked. I can't seem to find any other emotion to describe what I am going through. Every time I am hopeful, my hopes just get dashed in the end, so why waste it. As I sit here typing this, I am tearing up because I wish so much that I could be hopeful and get excited. Everyone keeps saying how excited they are about my blood test and how they can't wait for Monday to get here. I CAN. Sometimes I wish I could just sit inside my little bubble of ignorance and just believe that I am pregnant.
Why can't I just be normal and oops get pregnant? Most of the time I think I would be a good mother. I know Barry would be a good father. So why do we not get the chance? Little kids and druggies get pregnant all the time, but we have been trying for 7 years and nothing.
This next Friday will be our 10th anniversary and I never thought we would see it without having kids in our lives. I feel sad and horrible that I am broken and just can't do the one main thing that a woman was made to do....have kids.