The End....

Well, I got another BFN. That is the end of the road for now. I just don't want pity or to be felt sorry for. I am trying to move on from all of this and if people constantly feel sorry for me, it makes things more difficult.

I have to believe that this is NOT definitively the end of the road for our dreams of having a child. It is just a time to stop, relax, and live life until God sees fit to allow us to have a child.

I am moving on from this right now and I can only hope that people will support me in this.

The Babies Video...

The Torture Chair...

Just wanted to show you guys this chair that they use for the procedures at my clinic. It is quite interesting to get into and feels like you are being tortured. Makes taking pictures of anything a little weird because your business is their flashing everyone in the face, LOL.

Third Times A Charm Or Three Strikes We Are Out?

Today was our last transfer. Not only because we are completely tapped out, emotionally, physically, and definitely financially, but also because we are out of snowbabies. Yep, they had to thaw all 5 that we had left. One did not make it right away and then they decided it would be best to thaw them all and take the 3 best ones. The last one just stalled at 2 cells and never continued to grow. So, they put in 3 - a 5 cell B, 4 cell A, and a 4 cell B.

I got a little nervous waiting because I am normally taken back to another room for awhile before we go back. Apparently they were doing ERs as well, so they did not get to me until an hour after my appointment time. I was sure hoping that they would not have let us come all the way there just to tell us that none made it. But finally we went back (together which was strange), and then we had to wait for the doctor. When he got there, I got in the torture chair (finally took a picture of it), and then he did the transfer. It was a lot more painful than usual, but Barry is sure he was scraping out a place for the embryos to grab hold. I am not so sure. But he showed us two spots and said that the embryos were in between those to spots. I will post a video as well.

When we left, we found out that the pharmacy was closed, so Barry gets to go back tomorrow to pick up my meds. I don't really need them til Friday, so we should be okay.

I have learned to be okay with this no matter what. We have discussed plans whether it is positive or negative. I will live with whatever God deems best for us. Is it weird to wonder, after all this time or trying, if this is really what you want anymore? I think I am so tapped out that it is hard to be excited anymore. Like Mom always says, I am completely guarding my heart. I am tired of NO. I would much rather move on and enjoy life than have to deal with NO all the time. Sometimes I feel like my life is passing me by as I stay stuck in this one place with this one goal. I don't want that either.

New Meds...Clexane

I just wanted to show my new meds. Thank goodness I do not blog about all of my meds, the list seems endless. The new med is called Clexane. In the states they call it Lovenox (or at least it does the same thing). In most people, it is used against blood clots. My doctor has told me that he wants to try it just in case I have what he called "sticky or thick" blood. So, yesterday we began a new daily injection.

Thawing Report...

Well, I had my thawing report this morning. They ended up having to thaw all 5 remaining. She said they first thawed the 3, but one did not make it, so they decided to thaw the other 2 so they could get the best possible 3. I guess she did not understand when I asked what would happen to the 4th one. She kept saying they weren't sure they would all make it til tomorrow. I am not sure how I feel about using all we had left. I have to believe it is a blessing in disguise. We won't have to pay more in storage and we won't have to worry about the shipping back to the states. We had talked about it and had said that we wanted there to be 2 left or none left. I guess we got out answer. I guess, in a way, I feel better knowing that we used all of them and did not leave them just sitting. But in a way, we went through 13 babies and who knows if we will have any good results. So we will see tomorrow what happens. FET is Wednesday at 1130 am.

Oh, did the clexane shot last night. Shot was not too bad. Used to those by now. Love prefilled syringes. These were neat because they are kind of spring loaded and when it gets to the end it snaps back into itself. I have a little bruise and lump underneath, but not too bad. We will have to wait and see how it looks after I start doing the HCG and the clexane.

Sorry I Am Behind...

Well, let me try to catch you all up:
On July 21st, we had our appointment to get started on the next cycle. Everything is the same (patches, folic acid, mini aspirin, and steroid) until FET and then I will more than likely do the HcG shots and PIO. The only difference is that they are adding another shot called Clexane. Supposedly it is used for if your blood is too thick (the docs words). I guess nothing else has worked, worth a try.
As of right now, FET is August 6
We did discuss with the doc that this will be our last one at this clinic. We will look into it more when we get back to the states next year.