Today was our last transfer. Not only because we are completely tapped out, emotionally, physically, and definitely financially, but also because we are out of snowbabies. Yep, they had to thaw all 5 that we had left. One did not make it right away and then they decided it would be best to thaw them all and take the 3 best ones. The last one just stalled at 2 cells and never continued to grow. So, they put in 3 - a 5 cell B, 4 cell A, and a 4 cell B.
I got a little nervous waiting because I am normally taken back to another room for awhile before we go back. Apparently they were doing ERs as well, so they did not get to me until an hour after my appointment time. I was sure hoping that they would not have let us come all the way there just to tell us that none made it. But finally we went back (together which was strange), and then we had to wait for the doctor. When he got there, I got in the torture chair (finally took a picture of it), and then he did the transfer. It was a lot more painful than usual, but Barry is sure he was scraping out a place for the embryos to grab hold. I am not so sure. But he showed us two spots and said that the embryos were in between those to spots. I will post a video as well.
When we left, we found out that the pharmacy was closed, so Barry gets to go back tomorrow to pick up my meds. I don't really need them til Friday, so we should be okay.
I have learned to be okay with this no matter what. We have discussed plans whether it is positive or negative. I will live with whatever God deems best for us. Is it weird to wonder, after all this time or trying, if this is really what you want anymore? I think I am so tapped out that it is hard to be excited anymore. Like Mom always says, I am completely guarding my heart. I am tired of NO. I would much rather move on and enjoy life than have to deal with NO all the time. Sometimes I feel like my life is passing me by as I stay stuck in this one place with this one goal. I don't want that either.
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