Why Expect Anything Different....

Well, I don't know why I expected a positive test. I guess I really just hoped it would all work out. But, it didn't. I had already taken 2 tests this weekend and they were both negative, so I figured it was not good. Barry was still hopeful. He kept telling me that he believed this was it, that what we had waited for for 7 years would finally happen. We got to the clinic and waited (as usual). Finally we talked to the doctor who explained that this weekend had been too early to test, so it might not actual be negative. And he said that the cramping I had been having was normal. They took blood and told us to call at 4pm and they would have the results. I told the nurses about my suspicions that it was negative and they told me that they really thought that it had worked. We left the clinic a little more hopeful than when we got there.
We decided that we would go to Ramstein and Vogelweh to go do some shopping. That way we could pass the day away without having to sit at home and think about the test all day. We were able to eat and shop and talk about baby stuff and actually felt a little hopeful. At 330, I had enough waiting so we called the clinic from the car. The first thing the lady said was "you were right, it was negative." I was destroyed. Even though I had some idea, it was still hard. We sat there and I cried for awhile. We drove home and I cried the majority of the way. Calling the moms and telling them was really difficult. I don't want them to feel bad towards me because I feel like a failure.
But anyway, the doctor told us what we will do for the next cycle. As soon as the cycle starts, I have to go back to the clinic between days 2-4. Then I will have to use the estrogen patches and within 2 weeks we will be doing a Frozen Embryo Transfer. If this next one does not work, we will have to wait until September when Barry comes back from school. I guess I just don't know what will happen, but I am trying to remain hopeful and try to have faith.