Well, my FET is scheduled for next Wednesday. I have an appointment on Monday to check my levels and make sure that I am on track.
The biggest change this time is that I am trying not to think too much about this. Not putting too much stock into this working. I know that must sound weird, but that is where I am emotionally. I have to get to a place emotionally that I do not feel like my life is over if this never works. Of course I still want a baby, but I need to be able to live without one as well.
I also know that this cycle I will not be feeling anything physical. With the IVF cycle, I at least was able to feel the stimulation. This time I will not feel anything. So, hopefully I won't have too much to get attached too, except for those pictures of the embryos.
I am also very scared of the idea of putting 3 back and doing Assisted Hatching which could give us identical twins. I am scared of one now, much less 3 or more.
Not sure what to feel or think these days, so trying to think about nothing at all........
Thursday, June 26, 2008
These Patches Suck!
Estrogen patches are horrible. I am so tired of them. Most people tell me that they believe they are better than the shots, but I disagree. I would rather be doing the shots. They were much easier than having to wear these stupid patches.
They itch, they leave a sticky residue, and they slip if I sweat. The worst part is when Barry takes the old ones off and puts the new ones on. The old spots burn and itch so badly. And they get really red. And finding to find new spots on my back for 4 patches every couple days is not easy.
They itch, they leave a sticky residue, and they slip if I sweat. The worst part is when Barry takes the old ones off and puts the new ones on. The old spots burn and itch so badly. And they get really red. And finding to find new spots on my back for 4 patches every couple days is not easy.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Appointment From Monday...
I know I am behind on posting about my last appointment, so here it is:
Nothing really exciting from the appointment. Started the patches today and next appointment is the 30th. As long as everything goes well, we will be doing FET (frozen embryo transfer) on the 2nd of July. No 4th celebrations for me this year, boo.
We did have a little bit of a shock. It seems that maybe the idea that we would save money by doing this here might have been a little off. We got a bill today for everything so far and we owe them just short of 5000 Euro. With the exchange rate being as horrible as it is right now, it is a whole lot of money. But we really can't do anything about that now, we already had that stuff done. Turns out that we did not get near enough when we got the loan. So now we are having to go back and see what we can do about adding more to the loan or getting another one. So, of course, Barry is kind of upset at the money aspect. I feel bad because if I could just get pregnant on my own, we could have everything paid for.
So please pray that everything works out. We are planning to get enough to do 3 FETs as well, hopefully we won't have to use it all. But it looks like because we need more $$, we won't be able to do anything special for our 10th anniversary and I probably won't get my Italy trip while we still live here. It is really hard when you know how bad you want a child, but also want to do things (trips, stuff, etc).
But that is it for me. Hopefully things will fall into place.
Nothing really exciting from the appointment. Started the patches today and next appointment is the 30th. As long as everything goes well, we will be doing FET (frozen embryo transfer) on the 2nd of July. No 4th celebrations for me this year, boo.
We did have a little bit of a shock. It seems that maybe the idea that we would save money by doing this here might have been a little off. We got a bill today for everything so far and we owe them just short of 5000 Euro. With the exchange rate being as horrible as it is right now, it is a whole lot of money. But we really can't do anything about that now, we already had that stuff done. Turns out that we did not get near enough when we got the loan. So now we are having to go back and see what we can do about adding more to the loan or getting another one. So, of course, Barry is kind of upset at the money aspect. I feel bad because if I could just get pregnant on my own, we could have everything paid for.
So please pray that everything works out. We are planning to get enough to do 3 FETs as well, hopefully we won't have to use it all. But it looks like because we need more $$, we won't be able to do anything special for our 10th anniversary and I probably won't get my Italy trip while we still live here. It is really hard when you know how bad you want a child, but also want to do things (trips, stuff, etc).
But that is it for me. Hopefully things will fall into place.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Are You Kidding Me????
I just wanted to post on what happened at my appointment. Wednesday night I had some bleeding, so I emailed the clinic so that they would get it first thing in the morning. I wanted to know if this should count as Day 1. They wrote back and said yes and they told me that they wanted me to come in on Friday morning at 9am. Only problem was we had to go pick up a new couple at the airport 2 hours away this morning and the clinic closes at 1pm. So, they asked if we could come sometime before 5pm yesterday. I called Barry at work and they needed to decide which day they wanted to give up, him leaving a little early or not going to pick up the new guy. So they let him go.
So we get to the appointment (45 minute drive to like 1.5 hours) and then the doctor calls us in and we talk about the next cycle. I tell him that I had some bleeding, but not much since then. He gives me the plan of doing the estrogen patches and then right before and after FET I have to do progesterone suppository thingies (look like little gumballs, lol). And he shocked us with the idea that he plans on putting 3 back this time! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! And it looks like we will do the assisted hatching too. It worried me, not only about the number, but also how low the % chance is of it working for a FET as opposed to a fresh cycle. They did say that if one did not make it through the thaw, they will defrost another and then the first 2 would be a 3 day transfer and the one would be a 2 day. So I guess we will have to wait and see.
SO, then i go in for my u/s and the doc has this strange look on his face. I am freaking out because I think it is something really bad, especially when he calls in the other lady to tell her something in German. I look at her and said, What? The doc said that the bleeding was not my period. I asked the lady what that meant. She gave me a sheepish look and said that I might still be pregnant. WHAT?!?!?!?!? They said my lining was still too thick for this to be my period and that they would need to do some b/w to find out. So they drew blood and told me to call at 130 today.
So, we decided that we would just go on as we were and if they said positive then wonderful, but we were not counting on it at all. Today we went and picked up the new people and showed them around and help them with stuff. Late in the afternoon, Barry turns to me and asks me if I called the clinic at 130. Of course, he knows I forgot seeing that it was 230 at the time. So I tried calling the clinic just in case, but they were gone. I called our machine and they had left a message. She never actually said anything about a beta or anything, but she said that if I had starting bleeding more, I could start the patches tomorrow like he had planned and come in for an appointment on the 24th of June. They said if I had not started, then I would need to wait and let them know when I did. So, we believe it was still negative and that is what we are going with. It would have been an interesting story to tell, but oh well.
So we get to the appointment (45 minute drive to like 1.5 hours) and then the doctor calls us in and we talk about the next cycle. I tell him that I had some bleeding, but not much since then. He gives me the plan of doing the estrogen patches and then right before and after FET I have to do progesterone suppository thingies (look like little gumballs, lol). And he shocked us with the idea that he plans on putting 3 back this time! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! And it looks like we will do the assisted hatching too. It worried me, not only about the number, but also how low the % chance is of it working for a FET as opposed to a fresh cycle. They did say that if one did not make it through the thaw, they will defrost another and then the first 2 would be a 3 day transfer and the one would be a 2 day. So I guess we will have to wait and see.
SO, then i go in for my u/s and the doc has this strange look on his face. I am freaking out because I think it is something really bad, especially when he calls in the other lady to tell her something in German. I look at her and said, What? The doc said that the bleeding was not my period. I asked the lady what that meant. She gave me a sheepish look and said that I might still be pregnant. WHAT?!?!?!?!? They said my lining was still too thick for this to be my period and that they would need to do some b/w to find out. So they drew blood and told me to call at 130 today.
So, we decided that we would just go on as we were and if they said positive then wonderful, but we were not counting on it at all. Today we went and picked up the new people and showed them around and help them with stuff. Late in the afternoon, Barry turns to me and asks me if I called the clinic at 130. Of course, he knows I forgot seeing that it was 230 at the time. So I tried calling the clinic just in case, but they were gone. I called our machine and they had left a message. She never actually said anything about a beta or anything, but she said that if I had starting bleeding more, I could start the patches tomorrow like he had planned and come in for an appointment on the 24th of June. They said if I had not started, then I would need to wait and let them know when I did. So, we believe it was still negative and that is what we are going with. It would have been an interesting story to tell, but oh well.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Why Expect Anything Different....
Well, I don't know why I expected a positive test. I guess I really just hoped it would all work out. But, it didn't. I had already taken 2 tests this weekend and they were both negative, so I figured it was not good. Barry was still hopeful. He kept telling me that he believed this was it, that what we had waited for for 7 years would finally happen. We got to the clinic and waited (as usual). Finally we talked to the doctor who explained that this weekend had been too early to test, so it might not actual be negative. And he said that the cramping I had been having was normal. They took blood and told us to call at 4pm and they would have the results. I told the nurses about my suspicions that it was negative and they told me that they really thought that it had worked. We left the clinic a little more hopeful than when we got there.
We decided that we would go to Ramstein and Vogelweh to go do some shopping. That way we could pass the day away without having to sit at home and think about the test all day. We were able to eat and shop and talk about baby stuff and actually felt a little hopeful. At 330, I had enough waiting so we called the clinic from the car. The first thing the lady said was "you were right, it was negative." I was destroyed. Even though I had some idea, it was still hard. We sat there and I cried for awhile. We drove home and I cried the majority of the way. Calling the moms and telling them was really difficult. I don't want them to feel bad towards me because I feel like a failure.
But anyway, the doctor told us what we will do for the next cycle. As soon as the cycle starts, I have to go back to the clinic between days 2-4. Then I will have to use the estrogen patches and within 2 weeks we will be doing a Frozen Embryo Transfer. If this next one does not work, we will have to wait until September when Barry comes back from school. I guess I just don't know what will happen, but I am trying to remain hopeful and try to have faith.
We decided that we would go to Ramstein and Vogelweh to go do some shopping. That way we could pass the day away without having to sit at home and think about the test all day. We were able to eat and shop and talk about baby stuff and actually felt a little hopeful. At 330, I had enough waiting so we called the clinic from the car. The first thing the lady said was "you were right, it was negative." I was destroyed. Even though I had some idea, it was still hard. We sat there and I cried for awhile. We drove home and I cried the majority of the way. Calling the moms and telling them was really difficult. I don't want them to feel bad towards me because I feel like a failure.
But anyway, the doctor told us what we will do for the next cycle. As soon as the cycle starts, I have to go back to the clinic between days 2-4. Then I will have to use the estrogen patches and within 2 weeks we will be doing a Frozen Embryo Transfer. If this next one does not work, we will have to wait until September when Barry comes back from school. I guess I just don't know what will happen, but I am trying to remain hopeful and try to have faith.
Monday, June 2, 2008
Okay, I Admit It....
I had to post about this new Proluton (progesterone) shots. When we were at the clinic for the transfer, the nurse gave me my first shot. It was nothing. Did not hurt at all, not the shot, not the meds. But yesterday, Barry gave me the shot. This time, the shot hurt a little, but it was the meds that hurt A LOT! More after the shot was over. My poor butt is so sore from that stupid shot. I have to sit on my right side now since it is so sore. No bruising yet, so that is good.
As far as the 2WW, I am having a rough time keeping positive. Any symptoms that I thought I might have had seem to be gone now. So, of course, I am concerned that this did not work. I am still staying at home and not doing too much. They said ten days without strenuous activity. I might venture out of the house by the middle of the week or at 7 days post transfer. Barry is going stir crazy staying in the house. I am fine most of the time, but he is going crazy staying home.
As far as the 2WW, I am having a rough time keeping positive. Any symptoms that I thought I might have had seem to be gone now. So, of course, I am concerned that this did not work. I am still staying at home and not doing too much. They said ten days without strenuous activity. I might venture out of the house by the middle of the week or at 7 days post transfer. Barry is going stir crazy staying in the house. I am fine most of the time, but he is going crazy staying home.
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