I am so scared about all of this. There are so many worries in my mind right now. Just to name a few: scared about giving myself shots, scared this won't work, scared about actually getting pregnant, scared about miscarriages, scared about having a baby, and totally scared that I won't be a good mother. I know, I know, I can hear my mom right now thinking that I should not be worried about all that stuff, especially right now since most of those things are still far off. I just can't seem to get it all out of my head. A friend told me that once I get started with this process that I will get more excited, but I just feel like I will never get fully excited. I am a worry-wart. I don't know how to not worry. I guess after 7 years, it is hard to get positive.
I also am feeling alone in this process as well. Thank goodness I have you ladies to talk with. Lately my hubby keeps telling me that this is all I ever talk about. But I feel I need to talk about it to get through it. I want him to be involved in the whole process from start to finish. I want him to get excited and positive so that i can feel excited and positive too. Like my hubby said to me the other day, this is one of the hard parts about having to be so far away from family and friends. I miss being able to go do things with my family to get my mind off of this or just be able to sit and cry it out with my mom. The phone is just not the same. I never thought I would be going through this stuff at all, much less is another country.
Believe me, I know my husband loves me. I think he is just a little scared as well. He does tell me that he wants this as well. I told him that if it was not something we both wanted to do, then I would not be planning to go through all of this.
I don't know if I am still in shock about this whole process or what? I can seem to wrap my head around this whole thing. I hope that changes soon. I want to feel happy and excited. Hopefully you will all pray for me that I will stop feeling so scared and negative and start feeling excited and positive.
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2 comments:
I'll be praying for you Jen! I tend to be a worry-wart too and I had so many of those same fears at the beginning. The first time I felt better was after the nurse taught me how to do the shots, and I gave myself a shot of water in front of her so she could make sure I was doing it right. I realized that the shots really aren't that bad. It made me feel so much better to realize that my fears were much bigger than reality. I usually imagine that things are much worse than they end up actually being. The next big step was getting through the surgery. As soon as the feel-good medicine hit me though, I relaxed and was loopy as could be. I remember thinking "why can't I just take this stuff all the time to calm my fears?". That's probably why they don't sell that stuff over the counter ;-). The final step was knowing that I was actually going to have 2 babies in me after all of this time. 2 babies! Yay! So keep that chin up and keep your eyes on the prize. One step at a time :-)
First of all ((big hugs))!! The whole process is a lot to take in so just remember that all the fears and worries are normal! What I did was think of my cycle in hurdles and it really worked for me. Like our first hurdle was the first injection lol, then our next was the suppression check and so on. I found that once I started doing it and trying not to think to far ahead it really helped. Each lil hurdle that we were able to pass seemed great. Even if it was just an U/S to measure follies =D !! I can't wait to hear of all your adventures in this crazy journey. Even though you may not feel like it, You are very strong and I'm sure will be a wonderful mother!!!
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