Day 1 is finally here....

Well, after a couple confusing days of not starting when I was sure that I should have, I believe I have finally started. Then I got confused as to which day I should take the first pill. But after some help from some other people, I have decided to go ahead and take it today even though it is 7pm here. I will call the clinic tomorrow to set up my next appointment and they can tell me how to change it if need be.

So here goes nothing.

Still Waiting.....

Why is that since I started getting a monthly cycle when I was nine years old it has come almost like clockwork every month? And now, the most important cycle of them all and I am 3 days late. It is driving me insane. Barry keeps telling me that it is a good thing, but I have tested 2x and both were BFN. I am not going to test again until it has been a week. We are continuing with the other things we need to get done to get this show on the road, just in case we are still moving forward with IVF. Today we have an appointment to get all the clinic paperwork translated into English so that we understand it before we sign.
I prayed last night and told God that I was okay either way. Getting pregnant on my own or having my cycle start. I am fine, just want to know what is happening so we can get moving either way. I am not expecting to be pregnant on my own so I am certainly not getting my hopes up. But it would be nice.

Going Crazy, Don't You Want to Come Along?

I am so scared about all of this. There are so many worries in my mind right now. Just to name a few: scared about giving myself shots, scared this won't work, scared about actually getting pregnant, scared about miscarriages, scared about having a baby, and totally scared that I won't be a good mother. I know, I know, I can hear my mom right now thinking that I should not be worried about all that stuff, especially right now since most of those things are still far off. I just can't seem to get it all out of my head. A friend told me that once I get started with this process that I will get more excited, but I just feel like I will never get fully excited. I am a worry-wart. I don't know how to not worry. I guess after 7 years, it is hard to get positive.
I also am feeling alone in this process as well. Thank goodness I have you ladies to talk with. Lately my hubby keeps telling me that this is all I ever talk about. But I feel I need to talk about it to get through it. I want him to be involved in the whole process from start to finish. I want him to get excited and positive so that i can feel excited and positive too. Like my hubby said to me the other day, this is one of the hard parts about having to be so far away from family and friends. I miss being able to go do things with my family to get my mind off of this or just be able to sit and cry it out with my mom. The phone is just not the same. I never thought I would be going through this stuff at all, much less is another country.
Believe me, I know my husband loves me. I think he is just a little scared as well. He does tell me that he wants this as well. I told him that if it was not something we both wanted to do, then I would not be planning to go through all of this.
I don't know if I am still in shock about this whole process or what? I can seem to wrap my head around this whole thing. I hope that changes soon. I want to feel happy and excited. Hopefully you will all pray for me that I will stop feeling so scared and negative and start feeling excited and positive.

Who would have thought????

Who would have thought I would be sitting here begging for AF to show up? I have been feeling crampy all week, but nothing is happening. Today is actually the day I was expecting it to start, so I should not be so crazy about this yet. Every extra second that I have to wait to get started makes me feel crazy and frustrated. Barry keeps saying that we don't want it to actually start because he still has some hope that I will get pregnant on my own. But when I brought that up a couple weeks ago, he told me that he did not think that would really happen after all of this time of trying.
Hopefully news soon....

The Beginning of the Journey

Well, I am going to try my hand at this blog thing to keep a record of all that we are about to go through. But to get into that, I have to start at the beginning. Barry and I were married almost ten years ago in 1998. I was ready to have a baby right away, but my hubby was not. I was okay with that. After barry's first trip to Saudi Arabia in 2001, he told me that he was ready to start trying. I was ecstatic. So we tried, and tried, and tried some more.
Finally, after many doctors telling us that we were both healthy and young, one doctor told me that I might have PCOS. They did tests, and while I did not have any cysts, I did have a glucose intolerance. I went on metformin and tried some more. Still nothing. By this point it is 2005. The doctor decided to order an HSG where they shoot fluid into your fallopian tubes to see if they are blocked. One was completely blocked and the other was blocked but supposedly unblocked during the procedure. So, we thought we had a good chance.
Then we got orders to Germany and things got put on hold. I went to the OB/GYN on base and they decided to start me on clomid. Barry got tested and all was fine. I tried the clomid, bought OPKs, and even spent the money on the Clear Blue Easy Monitor that you see on TV. Still nothing. During the time that I was wasting time on Clomid, the OB closed down on base. So, they decided to send me to a specialist.
My appointment with the specialist was November 5, 2007. I think it will be a long time before I forget that day. We were feeling kind of strange anyway because no one spoke English. We were uncomfortable. When we finally got into the doctor's office, he proceeded to tell us that he believed that the only option for us was IVF. I was shocked because I was expecting a surgery to open my tubes and then shots or something like that. But to go straight to the IVF, that freaked me out. But the doctor suggested that we should bypass the bad parts (my tubes) and do the IVF.
I had a hard time with all of this. And then I started to feel better, and we started to plan to start the IVF process. We were going to do it in December 2007. But then Barry had to go to Iraq for 2 months. So we had to put everything off.
But now we are getting close again. Any day now and I will be starting the birth control pills to get this show on the road. Who would have thought that I would have to take bcps to get pregnant. Really weird. But whatever it takes, right?
Until then.......